he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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