the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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