He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
