this beer tastes like vomit already
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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