Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
