found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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