Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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