ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
