i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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