YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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