sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
