i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
