We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
