I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
