why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
