I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
