Tell her she can't have a vagina
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize