fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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