You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
