So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
