We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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