Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
