Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
