She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
