I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
