She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
