he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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