i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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