Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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  (864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?! http://tfl.nu/q1jx
  Replies (17) Good night (1666) Bad night (4001)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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  (727): You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that. http://tfl.nu/4x8y
  Replies (15) Good night (4177) Bad night (850)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

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  (519): Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes. http://tfl.nu/ehgd
  Replies (35) Good night (1097) Bad night (8138)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

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  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (49) Good night (6160) Bad night (4731)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.

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  (267): she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon. http://tfl.nu/y6s2
  Replies (11) Good night (3883) Bad night (1459)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.

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  (908): I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter. http://tfl.nu/8xy5
  Replies (4) Good night (3272) Bad night (1167)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

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  (505): the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears http://tfl.nu/h30c
  Replies (21) Good night (7368) Bad night (954)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

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  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
  Replies (15) Good night (5622) Bad night (1195)
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  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

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  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (8161) Bad night (1233)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  "bouncy castle"

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  (919): what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl" (1-919): "bouncy castle" http://tfl.nu/3vde
  Replies (6) Good night (4102) Bad night (948)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.

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  (719): hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year. http://tfl.nu/9tpx
  Replies (3) Good night (1450) Bad night (622)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.

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  (416): Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything. http://tfl.nu/up9n
  Replies (58) Good night (955) Bad night (5365)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.

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  (804): Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many. http://tfl.nu/1pp3
  Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (510)
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  (+58): View more from

  James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.

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  (+58): James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes. http://tfl.nu/8mur
  Replies (14) Good night (963) Bad night (411)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.

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  (206): The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter. http://tfl.nu/rlxt
  Replies (5) Good night (967) Bad night (356)

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