The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?