Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.