I'm so fucking centered right now
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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