I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
