The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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