im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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