Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
