He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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