how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
