the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
