Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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