Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
