as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
