I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
