if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
