Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize