Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
