The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Panties = found
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
