Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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