and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
