Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
