If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
