Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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