He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
