every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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