I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
