its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
