just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
