You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
