dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
