I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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