What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
