We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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