(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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