This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
