he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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