why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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