did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
