You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
