So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
