there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
