I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
