laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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