I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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