Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
